prepare for Holy Mass every Sunday, observing how
they prayed, listening to my father read the bible out loud before
he went to work in the morning, and being comforted by my mother's
nighttime blessing before bed: all these examples of faith gave
rise in my heart to an openness to God's will in my life. As time
passed, and I became more independent, I went through a period of
rebellion and confusion. This is when I had to struggle to make
my parent's faith my own. I finished high school and three years
of college at U-Mass Amherst. During this time I always felt a longing
for something more- for something to fulfill me and make me happy.
For some time now, I had felt an attraction to the priesthood and
wondered if that type of life would really fulfill me. I wanted
to make a difference in this world and love God but I wasn't yet
ready to completely accept God's will for my life.
At the end of my relatively successful junior year at U-Mass, studying
Plant and Soil Sciences, I decided that my life was not going the
way I had anticipated it would. There came over me a sense of disillusionment
and darkness. I had never felt more far away from God. At Mass on
Sunday I found myself wondering "What's the purpose of my life?
Why am I not happy? Are my sins too much for God to work with?"
I didn't return to U-Mass for my senior year of studies or go on
to get a Bachelors Degree. The next two years of my life were "all
mixed up"and I experienced some moments of great joy and intimacy
with God but also some serious falls into sin and loneliness. In
a mysterious and wonderful way Jesus was preparing me for the most
important decision I would ever make in my life. Through all of
the darkness and woundedness that I, to a great degree, had brought
upon myself, God was slowly drawing me
towards Himself. I was introduced to some brave young men who had
entered the seminary and experienced the constant example and support
of my family. Finally, I was ready to let go of my way of doing
things (which was obviously not working) and to start trying to
do things God's way. I contacted the Vocations Office of the Diocese
of Springfield and trusted in God's guidance.
After a long and sometimes tedious application process, I was accepted
by Bishop Timothy McDonald as a seminarian for the Springfield Diocese.
Now, in the middle of my second year of formation at Our Lady of
Providence College Seminary, I can truly say that I am a happy man.
For once in my life I am confident that I am where God wants me
to be. My spiritual life has grown and
I am more and more in love with Jesus at each passing day. My education
in philosophy at Providence College is both challenging and intellectually
edifying. As a man, I am coming to a better knowledge of myself
and growing in maturity, honesty with myself, and an understanding
of my humanness as relates to God. I have been exposed to many opportunities
to serve others and participate in Christian Charity. The community
of young men that I study, work, live, and pray with is a constant
source of support and joy to me and also provides many opportunities
to grow in charity towards neighbor. In addition to a dedicated
resident staff of three holy
priests at the seminary, we enjoy the benefits of a good Catholic
psychologist, a personal spiritual director, helpful office staff,
and a great cook. I can honestly say that my experience of discernment
thus far has been the greatest blessing in my life.
As I continue the discernment of my vocation to the priesthood I
know that whatever God has in store for my future, I will not regret
my decision to enter the seminary. Please keep me in your prayers
as I continue my discernment and studies at the seminary. I am confident
that if the faithful pray for vocations every day, God will here
your prayers and bless His Church with many vocations.