Questions and Answers - Parents

What are priests, brothers, and sisters doing these days?
Isn't a celibate way of life very lonely?
Would I lose my child if he or she entered a seminary or religious community?
What if my son or daughter is not worthy of this calling?
Why are there so many different religious orders and congregations? How do they differ?
Why do some religious brothers, sisters, and priests wear habits or clerical garb? If my child joins a religious community, will be or she wear a habit.
What if my son or daughter enters a religious community and it is a mistake?
What is the difference between a religious brother and a priest?
How long would it take my son to become a brother or a priest? How long would it take my daughter to become a sister?
Isn't it wrong for me to force my child into anything?

What are priests, brothers, and sisters doing these days?

With the variety of religious communites and seminaries that exist today, it is difficult to describe exact details of the life of a brother, sister or priest - as difficult as it would be to give one description of married or single life.

Diocesan priests celebrate Mass and the sacraments, preach, and lead the community in prayer. Priests often work full time in a parish, although some priests have been trained in more specialized ministries serving as doctors, social workers, and legal experts.

Each religious community of sisters, brothers, or priests was founded for a particular purpose. Some religious communities are involved in only one or two specific works, such as teaching, health care, pastoral or missionary work. Other communities are involved in a variety of works but choose their ministries based on the mission or spirit of the community. Religious communities have always tried to respond to urgent, unmet needs. For many years, that meant providing education and health care for an immigrant population.

Often today's Catholics do not see many sisters or brothers on a regular basis. Some sisters, priests, and brothers continue to work in parish schools, but many others live and work in neighborhoods that seem to be struggling with difficult and pervasive social problems. They strive to stand with people who are poor and on the margins of society. "There are a lot of people who know us today who aren't the people in the pews. Many aren't Catholic. Many do not speak English. Yes, it may seem that we are invisible today because we don't spend our resources letting people know what we are doing. We're too busy working to say, "Hey, everybody, look what I doing!" noted one sister. Members of religious communities usually live together in small groups, setting time aside during the day to pray together, to share meals and to talk about the events of the day. Community life provides a tremendous support as one seeks to live a life of evangelical chastity, poverty, and obedience.
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Isn't a celibate way of life very lonely?

Every human being has some lonely moments whether he or she is married, single, a priest, a sister, or a brother. However, when a person has a sense of being where God wants him or her to be, doing meaningful work and enjoying good friendships, that person is not lonely. Many priests, brothers, and sisters report that their lives are rich in meaningful relationships.

To choose to be celibate is much more than choosing not to be married. Celibacy is a way of being in a relationship with God and with others. Just as marriage provides a way of life for people to love their spouses and others, so also does celibacy provide a way to love others non-exclusively. Celibacy means choosing to live chastely as a single person, in public witness for the service of the Gospel.

Would I lose my child if he or she entered a seminary or religious community?

No! As one parent observed, "when our son became a religious priest, we certainly didn't lose him. We gained a whole community!" When people attend a seminary or enter a religious community today, they are encouraged to invite family and friends to visit, and are provided many opportunities to maintain relationships with family and friends. Letters, telelphone calls, visits home and e mail enable candidates for religious life and the priesthood to keep in contact. Though each seminary and religious community has its own rules and policies, formation personnel recognize that the support of others is crucial for the seminarian or novice.

What if my son or daughter is not worthy of this calling?

Who is? No one is worthy of God's love, of Baptism, of vocation. Each of our vocations is a gift from God. Jesus did not select the perfect or the worthy to follow him and to preach the Gospel. He seemed to favor ordinary people who were well aware of their weaknesses. God does not seek perfect people to accomplish divine purposes. At times people can be of great service, not because they have done everything right, but because they have learned from their mistakes. Awarenes of our unworthiness helps us to always remember who is really in charge!
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Why are there so many different religious orders and congregations? How do they differ?

Most groups of religious were founded at a time in history when travel and communication were very limited. Many congregations were founded at the same time for the same purpose, but at different places by people who did not know one another.

Founders had a specific spirit or charism they wanted to develop in their community, such as poverty, mercy, unity, or hospitality, in response to the needs of people around them or needs of the Church at the time. The charism, the community's specific ministry, and varying emphases on prayer and common life are the basic differences among religious communities. All are alike in their primary concern: to spread the Gospel message.

Why do some religious brothers, sisters and priests wear habits or clerical garb? If my child joins a religious community, will he or she wear a habit?

There are various reasons for wearing habits or clerical garb. Religious dress can be a sign to others of faith in God and commitment to a religious life. Wearing religious garb may be a way to keep the vow of poverty; a sister, brother, or priest who wears a habit can be free of the expense of a contemporary wardrobe. For some religious communities, the habit is a sign of penitence.

Some communities give their members the option of wearing ordinary clothes, saying that the most valid sign of Christian faith is lifestyle rather than garb. Experience shows that religious dress can create an undesirable barrier to lay co-workers. The original religious garb was usually the contemporary dress that simply got institutionalized over the centuries. Many religious sisters, priests, and brothers choose to wear the dress of the day which is reflective of their desire to live a modest, simple life.

What if my son or daughter enters a religious community and it is a mistake?

Becoming a candidate with a diocese or religious community does not mean that your child is obligated to become a priest, sister or brother. Formation directors help candidates discern whether or not this choice is a good one. There is absolutely nothing shameful about trying out seminary life or religious life, discerning that it is not one's vocation, and departing. Never exploring a vocation question is a greater mistake. People who have spent time in a seminary or in a religious community almost always report that the time was not "wasted," but that they developed a closer relationship with God, came to a deeper level of self knowledge, and experienced the joy of serving others.

What is the difference between a religious brother and a priest?

A religious brother or priest commits himself to Christ by the vows of chasitity, poverty, and obedience, to live as a member of a religious community and to serve in the community mission through its charism.

Brothers are part of the laity who are called to witness to the Reign of God in which all live as brothers and sisters (Mt. 22:30). Brothers serve in the same areas that are open to lay people (teacher, lawyer, social worker, carpenter, etc.)

Diocesan priests make a vow of obedience to the bishop. At diaconate ordination, they freely make a promise of celibacy, for life. Diocesan priests ordinarily serve the local church within the diocese for which they are ordained.

Priests, religious or diocesan, are ordained to minister in the person of Christ as preacher and teacher, as minister of the sacraments, as provider for the poor, and to serve the needs of the community of faith.

How long would it take my son to become a brother or a priest? How long would it take my daughter to become a sister?

Generally it takes four years after college or eight years after high school for a man to become a diocesan priest. Some young men enter the seminary after high school, some enter after college, or after working for a number of years.

A man in a religious community studying for the priesthood must also undergo seminary training, where he studies theology, scripture, the teachings of the Church, and acquires the skills he needs to be a priest.

It usally takes six to nine years for a person to become a vowed member of a religious community. The formation program involves several stages. While these vary from community to community in name, length of time, and format, they all involve a time of inquiry, a one ro two year period of novitiate training, and a time of taking vows for one year at a time for several years. Perpetual vows can be made after three to nine years of temporary vows.

Isn't it wrong for me to force my child into anything?

Yes. But it is essential that parents guide their children, and help them to explore a number of options. Parents do their children a great favor by making them aware that God calls people to single life, priesthood, sisterhood, and brotherhood as well as to married life. Parental encouragement is invaluable. With so many possible life styles, with such a variety of ways to serve God's people, parents have a unique role in guiding their children toward the future. To present opportunities to explore options while respecting each child's personality and God's individual call is both an awsome responsiblity and a delightful gift.

To be a sister, brother, or priest offers the opportunity to use one's skills and gifts for the sake of God's people, and to do this not only by the work one does, but also by the way one lives. Many young people today seem to be looking for a sense of community, a way to belong, a way to serve others, and an opportunity to develop a life of close relationship with God. If this sounds like your son or daughter, ask if he or she has ever thought about brotherhood, sisterhood or priesthood. Together, find out more about this possibility.